It's finally beginning to sink in. I've told Jackie's brother and asked him to spread the word. I told my folks. And then, since I'm a MAN, I went out to the car for a good 30 second cry. Why me, I love Jackie, I don't want lose her. Feeling a little better, I went to find Jackie. We had better start the education process.

What do I know about cancer? Before the biopsy the surgeon had mentioned some things he would do, like send the tumor to St. Louis for a test. But now he wants to schedule a mastectomy -- he wants to cut off her breast I don't like that idea. What will it look like? What happens to our sex life? Well, I guess I'll deal with it. But wait a minute. They don't have to do surgery anymore -- this is the 1980's -- I heard they do RADIATION now. So, how do you find out about it? YOU ASK! Ask anyone and everyone who will answer your questions. Because, when it comes right down to it, it is your decision, and 5 doctors will give you 5 different opinions.

I found a radiation oncologist and scheduled an appointment. We also told the surgeon we wanted to get a second opinion, and scheduled that as well. Learning about cancer involves getting facts and opinions, and having the wisdom to differentiate them. If you're not overly concerned when somebody says you have cancer, get OVERLY concerned. As a matter of fact, get scared. Cancer is life threatening. It can be cured (eradicated), but you have to work at it. But please -- don't panic.

Doctors sometimes act as big purveyors of information, a process that can drive you crazy with anticipation, fear, and worry. If something is important to you, ask the technician. They are not supposed to tell you anything, but they can usually read films and test results almost as well as a doctor. When Jackie had her bone scan to see if the cancer had spread, we were dying of fear. I asked the radiation technician what the results were, and he said "I'm not supposed to say, but I don't see anything." He must have seen the fear on our faces. We were so relieved, it's hard to put into words. Once you hear cancer, you get this picture of tumors running rampant and destroying the body. That is probably not what you will see on a first analysis -- unless you've been IGNORING the warning signs and not seeing a doctor.

Also, at about this time we met our first hematologist/oncologist (that's the person that does chemotherapy and usually handles your case for the long term). You hear a lot about the horrors of chemotherapy, and they can be there. But don't equate horror and chemotherapy. Everyone reacts very differently to each of the chemicals used, and since most chemo drugs are really toxins they aren't designed to make you feel good. However, some are worse than others and some effect individuals to greater and lesser degrees than others do. In addition, new drugs used as pre-medications are getting much better at alleviating the effects of chemotherapy.

You will get advice from everyone. The oncologist might say "don't do radiation." The radiation oncologist might say "don't do a mastectomy." You must ask the specialist for their opinions, and then derive the best answer by discounting the opinions that are outside their specialties.